I was looking through some old photos, and now I know: Challah is vulgar. It's curvy. It's ample. Sometimes, despite my best efforts, it's got little nubbins on the end. If you don't make the braids long enough, it looks like a dehydrated person's poo, or maybe like a rabbits en flagrante delicto.
If you let it rise too much, it sprawls out, whaling into obscene puddles of flesh as it bakes. The likeness transforms into something anatomical. Dribbled with a bit of margarine, it glistens and departs from "braid" and into "should I be uncomfortable looking at this and why?"